Disclaimer: Xena, Gabrielle etc belong to MCA/Universal and Ren Pics, and anyone else who has an interest in Xena Warrior Princess, not me.
Copyright © 2001: The characters in here belong to me. All rights reserved. No part or whole of this work may be copied or used in any shape, form, or manner whatsoever without the author's express written consent. If you want to use them, all you have to do is ask … nicely.
Violence disclaimer: Yes, there is violence, so if you’re sensitive to that sort of thing, perhaps you’d like to move on.
Love/Sex warning: This story depicts a love/sexual relationship between two consenting adult women. If you are under 18 years of age or if this type of story is illegal in the state or country in which you live - move along, move along, nothing for you here ...
Major vote of thanks to my ever patient beta reader ForevaXena for taking valuable time out to read this. Without her, I am eternally grammatically and spelling stuffed :-) An equally large vote of thanks goes to the Bard’s Village – if it weren’t for them this wouldn’t have been finished.
I’ve Seen the Light and It’s Dark
By
J. Falconer (jfishmael@hotmail.com)
PART FOUR
“Check.” My voice was pensive as I studied the board. I made a quick move, then quietly grinned.
A week or so had passed since Vonda and Snowflake had shown up to conduct their séance. We had heard nothing from them during that time, and I could see the tension rising in Jackie as she waited for them to show up with a priest equipped with Holy Water to get rid of me once and for all.
She needn’t have worried.
Jackie sat opposite me, and blew a breath from her pursed lips, hand hesitating over various pieces as she tried to decide what to do next. It was a grey and ugly day, sea whipped into a frenzy by the storm outside. Jackie had planned on going in to town today but did not relish the thought of getting soaked to the skin so it was an easy matter for me to convince her to spend the day with me playing chess and talking. I sat now, watching her quietly, wondering what she would do next.
We had spent the week getting to know one another better. She was truly a lovely young mortal despite her frequent penchant for inventive language that left me blushing furiously on occasion. Since we had called our truce, she had not been troubled by one nightmare. Helga and I always kept a careful watch over her during the dark hours. Every morning there was a smile on her face when she saw me and that gladdened my cold heart.
Jackie made her move, and spoke, clearly careful not to meet my eyes. I returned to my study of the board.
“I don’t want them to exorcise you.” Her voice was soft and hesitant as I glanced at her, eyebrow raised, then smiled gently.
“They can’t.” I stared intently at the board, then made my move.
She gave up her pretence of trying to find a move that would trap my king forever. She looked at me, expressive eyes showing her distress. “How can you be sure?”
The wind from the storm outside whistled around the house, as I looked up, making sure to meet her eyes, holding her gaze. I leaned back in my chair and gave her a genuine smile.
“I know because it has been tried before and as you can see, I’m still here.” I waved around my arms a little, forcing her to look at my visible form.
“But how do you know?”
My brows contracted as I stared at her closely. “How do I know? Good God, don’t tell me I’m not a ghost any more! Where am I?” I understood what she was asking, and could see she was struggling to articulate what was going on inside her.
“Clown.” Her voice was without any heat. “That’s not what I meant.” Her eyes skittered away from mine, and she frowned slightly.
“Then what did you mean?” I again captured her gaze, watching her with no small amount of curiosity as she struggled to find words.
“How do you know that the next time won’t be the time that it happens for real?”
I sighed and leant back. How much to tell her? I wasn’t fully sure if she was still frightened of me or not, and the fragile trust I had managed to engender in her could be shattered with a mere look out of place, I was sure.
How confident was I in my assertion that I’d changed?
I supposed the answer to that question came down to how some impulses vanished with the passage of time and others more easily obeyed took their place. I genuinely enjoyed seeing her eyes light up in laughter and the look of pleasure she had when she saw me first thing in the morning. I liked it when I saw her open the front door, close her eyes, and breath deeply of the salty sea air. I liked listening to her laugh in genuine amusement when something entertained her. She was a truly unique mix of hard steel, softness and good humour, and not knowing which would be shown next was the most refreshing thing I’d seen in years.
In the past it had given me pleasure to control my world, but not one thrill of conquest could ever compare to one delighted laugh from this mortal.
I knew I was going soft and sometimes I just plain made myself sick.
“Well.” I paused, wondering how much to tell her. “Let’s just say that when I was sentenced to the hereafter, it was for all eternity. I will still be here when this world is a cinder. No amount of chanting and blessed liquid will relieve me of this curse.”
Jackie frowned uncertainly. “What did you do to earn that fate?”
I leant back and closed my eyes. It was a question I knew I would have to answer sooner or later, if not to her then to another mortal. Had I ever answered that question to myself? Well, my treacherous mind whispered, it had, but the response had always been phrased in such a way that the act had been robbed of all its evil. I had always hoped that the passage of time would wash away the heinous nature of the crime, but it always came back to haunt me. A thousand times I had cursed myself for doing it but it had always been more along the lines of regret that I’d been caught and cursing my stupidity for doing it at all.
That had changed.
Now I cursed myself for taking a life, and, worse, in the manner I had. Watching Jackie I was forcibly reminded of what my victim had witnessed.
It was a vile thing I’d done and I fully deserved everything that fate had thrown at me.
“Let’s just say that the denizens of the blackest pits of hell were horrified by my actions.”
Jackie frowned. “That’s not good enough, Creed. What did you do? Who were you in life?”
I began to get defensive, but swiftly crushed the feeling. Although reasonably certain I’d been erased from public record, what would be better? Jackie hearing from my lips what I’d done, or reading it in cold black and white, robbed of my inflection and sorrow?
“In life I was an evil woman.” I closed my eyes and leaned back. “I am here because I murdered someone. It was a young woman. And let’s just say that I had some sport with her first.” Instantly I regretted my choice of words. What I’d just said was wrong. I’d made it sound like I wanted to put the act behind me, but I didn’t. Not now. I wanted to club myself over the head with it. Soak myself in it. Drown in self loathing.
Jackie had gone pale and backed up slightly. I was dismayed. “Jackie, what ails you?”
Abruptly I found myself covered in blood and gore again, a quivering, weak voice begging me to stop doing what I was doing. I grimaced.
Jackie shrank back in her chair as I leaned forward. “Soft now, Sweetling.” I reached out and took her hands which were curled into little balls. “Relax.” Her breathing was rapid and shallow. “Jackie, I don’t know what ails you but I can guess. And believe me that what I did in the past has nothing to do with you. You are not her and she is not you.” I forced her to meet my eyes, and she did so, a frightened, trapped animal. “I did what no good woman should ever do and I am paying for it. I pay for it every day I am still here. There is no forgiveness for me and there shouldn’t be.”
She snarled and pulled herself from my grasp. “Did you like it? Did you enjoy your victim?”
I became angry myself, but it was directed at me, not at her. “What do you want me to say? Did I like the feel of her blood on my hands? Her weakening voice pleading for mercy? Her sobbing, her pain? The truth, my dear mortal, is that I regret what I did a thousand times over and if I had my chance I would not do it again. I would gladly kill myself before laying a hand on another human like that again.”
Guilt had fixed itself in my eyes, shame and disgust revealing themselves in my awkward movements.
“How do I really know you’re not going to hurt me?”
“Jackie, I would never hurt you. I have learnt my lesson over and over again.” That much was true. My supernatural existence had been the product of actions I was not proud of. I deserved every thing I had gotten.
She pulled back from me, face a mask of loathing. “You fucking liar. People like you never regret what they’ve done!”
She stood and virtually spat on me, then stormed from the room.
I sighed, and my shoulders slumped. I sat back in my chair for several minutes, head resting in my hands, then slowly I got up and walked to my telescope.
How wrong she was.
The fragile trust we had had just been shattered again. What was it about me that made her confuse her past with her present?
~~~
“Jackie, what’s this?” I stood behind my mortal, audible to her ears alone as she stood back to allow her mother, Snowflake the Magnificent, and a cadaverous, balding, middle aged man to walk through the front door.
Helga was nowhere to be seen, having been locked outside for the day by my tortured mortal.
Jackie chose to ignore me, shaking Snowflake’s hand with an earnestness and gratitude that made me cringe. “Snowflake, I’m so glad you could come back.”
Snowflake nodded understandingly. “You sounded so desperate on the phone, dear. I’m glad you managed to break free from its pranks long enough to call me so we could do something about it.”
Not to be outdone, Vonda put her arm around my mortal. “Don’t worry, kiddo, you’ll be alone soon. We’ve bought an expert.” Eyes shining bright in adoration, she turned to the man. “This is Spiritchaser.”
I stared at Vonda and Snowflake in amazement as they both virtually dropped to the ground to kiss his feet. Spiritchaser held out his hand and Jackie shook it.
“Vonda and Snowflake have told me all about this place and your trouble with the ghost. They also told me what happened when they tried to conduct the séance.” He paused and leaned forward. “I can’t tell you how glad I am that you called us back. This is a very unhealthy situation for you to be in. You see, these spirits tend to feed off the living, draining them of energy until they gradually fade away themselves.”
My eyebrows contracted. “I am not a vampire.”
Jackie nodded gravely. “I just want to be rid of it once and for all!”
“Oh, Sweetling …” my voice trailed off. I wanted to tell her how unnecessary this all was, that all she had to do was ask me to leave as quietly as she had asked me to show myself, but it was far to late for that. “Jackie, you don’t need to do this.”
She continued to ignore me as Spiritchaser took her hands into his and spoke again. “I’m here to help you rid yourself of this unwelcome guest.”
Jackie nodded, grateful.
I sighed.
My suspicions were confirmed. They were going to try and exorcise me.
From bitter past experience I knew this was either going to tickle or hurt me a great deal. I only hoped that in either case I would be able to hide in the attic for a while after the event, to try to heal my wounds.
It would be best to pretend to be gone.
If Jackie truly wanted me out of her life then who was I to argue? I would disappear for a few years until she sold the house. If that was what made her feel better, to extract some revenge on the demon in her past, then so be it.
It would be done.
I took a deep breath and prepared to let the games begin.
Each participant looking grave and deadly serious, they all began to troop into the library, when Jackie help up her hand to stop them.
“Not there.” Her voice was quiet. “Creed likes the parlour. She’ll most likely be skulking around in there.”
I frowned. I never skulked.
Snowflake and Vonda exchanged a glance and Spiritchaser nodded. “I thought so. You can feel her in there.”
I raised my eyebrows. Clearly this one was a real medium, unlike the fraud that travelled with Vonda.
The dust in the room barely had the chance to settle before Spiritchaser clapped his hands together dryly. “Let’s begin, shall we?” He motioned for them all to make a circle, as he rifled his bag for his beads and rattles.
Pulling out a bible, a vial of holy water and a stole, he kissed the stole and slipped it around his neck.
“This is going to be a very traumatic action. The spirit will appear and will tell you lies, but you must ignore them. It will say anything in an attempt to stay close to you.” He met Jackie’s eyes gravely. “Exorcisms can take either hours to perform or days, it depends on the severity of the haunting.”
Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes. “If there is a spirit here, then speak.”
Squaring my shoulders, taking a deep breath, I calmly allowed myself to gain in visibility and solidity so they could all see and hear me.
“I am here.”
Jackie’s eyes widened in surprise as she glanced at me, while Snowflake and Vonda took in my form with shock.
Snowflake gasped. “You’re the Captain?”
I glared at her. “Charlatan! Leave the spirits to those that can handle them! And I am not ‘the Captain’ – my name is Creed.” I turned to Spiritchaser. “Work your magic so the day can continue on in peace.”
Spritchaser frowned and glared at me. “Your life is over and it’s long past time for you to cross over to the other side and leave undeserving mortals alone. Leave or I will cast you out.”
I was more than happy to follow his suggestion, and would have, had it not been for the small matter of the curse eternity had cast upon me. I glared back and stood with my arms crossed. “Well? I’m waiting!”
He opened his bible and began to recite the Lord’s Prayer, occasionally splashing holy water in my direction.
“Our Father, who art in heaven: hallowed be thy name
Thy Kingdom come. Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven …”
I sighed, wondering what I should do to make it look like this was going to work.
“… And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil …”
My eyebrows knitted together in concentration as I felt a distant tugging at my person. I was surprised – I had never felt this horribly familiar sensation during an exorcism before. “Uh, oh.”
He continued to chant as the others watched closely.
A mild wind was blowing.
“What’s this?” My voice was wondering as I looked at my hands, which were losing solidity. The wind began to increase in strength, pulling at my clothes.
The voice continued to chant, this time the Hail Mary, holy water splashed, Jackie’s eyes grew round. After a moment, I saw her begin to relax as she recalled what I’d told her about exorcisms being a complete waste of time on me. She was clearly thinking that what was happening to me was a clever ruse on my part, and her eyes became expressionless once more.
“… Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now, and at the hour of our death …”
The wind had whipped up to gale force, tugging at my clothes and person. I moaned softly as it began to tear at my being.
“… For strangers have risen against me, And violent men have sought my life; They have not set God before them ...” As Spiritchaser’s pleas to the Lord to cast me from this place continued, I stumbled back, losing my balance in the howling wind. I groaned as I felt the molecules of my person being torn apart.
I fell to my knees, retching, outline of my form decaying.
Spiritchaser’s eyes bored into me. “IN THE NAME OF THE LORD JESUS CHRIST, I COMMAND YOU TO LEAVE THIS PLACE!”
Jackie hissed and took a step towards me, but I waved her off as my collapse continued. The wind tore mercilessly at me, and as I was wrenched apart, I screamed in agony. I also had time to fleetingly wonder what my next level of existence would look like.
Although I instinctively fought what was happening to me, I was more than glad to give up my existence as a ghost if that was what would allow Jackie to fight her own demons. My only sorrow was that this was the only way I could help her.
As I weakened and I felt myself being swept away in the vortex, bleeding from a dozen wounds, I heard Jackie scream my name.
“CREEEEED!” Her voice trailed off as she looked on in anguish, finally realising that this was not play acting on my part.
In between bouts of agonised howling, I managed to form a coherent sentence. “I’m sorry Jackie.”
Then I knew no more as the blackness took me.
~~~
When I opened my eyes again, I found myself wondering where I was.
Cautiously my eyes began to adjust myself and I found myself lying in the place I had died – the centre of my attic floor.
I groaned, shockingly weak, supernatural body throbbing and aching dully.
“That certainly could have gone a little better for me.” I hissed at the pain my soft whisper brought me. My mind felt as though strong fingers were kneading it to hard for their own good.
I regretted nothing.
If my destruction was what Jackie needed for her own healing to begin, then so be it.
I lay there for days, trying to recover, watching the light change as day faded into night then back into day again.
On the fourth night after the exorcism, my aching and throbbing was interrupted by the low moaning and sobbing of Jackie gripped by her vicious unknown nightmare.
I sighed. I could not leave her like that. I would just have to disappear before she woke up.
Grimacing, I steeled myself and disappeared from my nice, comfortable attic floor and reappeared by her side. Helga glanced at me in surprise. She had not been able to find me over the past couple of days, though she had snorted mightily under the attic door.
“Helga.” I leant over and patted the dog’s head. “Your mistress is troubled again I see.”
Why on earth couldn’t I just leave Jackie alone? Why did I feel constrained to be by her side when she so clearly did not want me there? Was it because of my guilt?
I had an inkling that that was part of the reason, but not all of it. The only problem was that I had no clue as to what the rest of it was.
Jackie tossed and turned restlessly.
“Sorry …” the word was a tortured moan. “I shouldn’t have done it.”
I gave a hissing intake of breath as I made part of my hand solid so I could brush the tears from her eyes.
“Rest easy, Jackie, you are safe.” They were the same words I had always spoken to her, that chased her demons away.
Slowly wakefulness began to chase the nightmares away from her and I pulled my hand away so she did not know I was there.
She sat up looking all around the room, searching for something, then slowly began to cry, pulling Helga into her embrace, sobbing quietly.
Although I wanted nothing more than to take her in my arms, I hardened my heart and slowly attempted to vanish into the night, back to my attic, to try and regain some of my strength.
Much to my considerable consternation, I instead found myself unwillingly gaining in solidity and visibility. Oddly enough this was done without the recent pain and massive amounts of concentration required for the act.
Feeling my body slowly gain in mass and weight, I cursed softly, realising with dismay what day it was.
“Oh dear.” My words were a mumble that Jackie caught.
Slowly sitting up in her bed, she turned to stare at me, wonder on her face.
“Creed?” Tears drying, she slowly reached out toward me. “Creed?”
I closed my eyes and breathed deeply taking in the scent of the house. “None other, Sweetling.”
“I thought I’d …” Her voice trailed off as she threw herself into my arms. I could feel the warmth of her skin against mine, breathed the soft, feminine scent of her hair.
She pulled back to look at me wonderingly. “You’re warm. I can actually feel your body. How?”
I smiled ruefully. “I don’t know how it works for other ghosts, but for one day of the year I am to all intents and purposes alive. Today is the anniversary of my death.”
She reached and began to trace the outlines of my face, skin flushing in embarrassment and shame. “I thought the exorcism had taken you out once and for all.”
My eyebrows knitted together. “I thought it had done the same. Not that I could ever be that lucky. I’m still here.” I took her hand and stood. “Come with me.”
I felt her pulling me back and I turned to her again. She drew in breath to speak, but I put a finger to her lips. “Not yet, Sweetling. We sample the world first.”
This time she did not resist when I pulled her to her feet. When we were both standing, she found herself eye level with my chest. “Have you grown, Creed?”
I laughed softly. “I am my true height. I stand at just over six feet. I merely shortened myself so as not to alarm you.”
“Oh.” Jackie allowed herself to be led from the room down to the front door, which I opened.
I closed my eyes, and pulled in the cool night air. “I have not gone outside for a year. The rest of the time I am confined to the house.” I smiled apologetically at her and she gaped at me, seemingly unable to change expression.
“Come.” I stepped outside, smiling happily and ran with her across the grass, down toward the rocks and the sea, Helga loping easily behind us.
Picking a path easily down between the rocks, my hand catching my mortal as she stumbled, I soon had us down on the small beach that graced the back of her property.
I parked myself in the sand, pulling her down with me. She shivered, but I caught the action.
“Sorry, Sweetling. These discomforts are nothing for me when I compare it to the nightmare of being stuck in that accursed house.” I re positioned myself so I was sitting behind her, and pulled her into my arms, sharing my warmth with her. She settled back in my arms, sighing contentedly.
Several times I felt her shift and attempt to speak, but it was clear to me she did not know where to begin, so I decided to ease her burden.
“I used to love this while I was alive. It never cared who I was or what I did. I could lose myself in the grey depths of the ocean.”
There was a pause. “What did you do when you were alive?”
I pursed my lips and shook my head. “I lived here. That, I think, is all you really need to know about my life. All the other things are not worth repeating.”
There was silence for a time as she thought about what I’d said. How true was it? Time had robbed my life of its pain and evil, even erasing it from memory, and that was the way it should be. The only one that really needed to know that I’d done wrong was me. I had to learn to live with that, and to make amends.
“I hurt you, Creed.” Jackie’s voice was almost lost in the wind.
“I hurt you too, Sweetling.”
“That’s not what I mean.” She shifted around, out of my grasp, so she could look at me in the soft moonlight. “I hated you. I wanted to kill you and I nearly succeeded.” She looked down and I could see the tears flow down her face and drip onto her bare legs, moonlight turning them into diamonds.
“Jackie.” She refused to look at me. “Jackie.” She still couldn’t face me. I lifted her face with a gentle finger. “If it’s what you need to do then I will gladly help you do it.”
“Don’t you understand?” She took my face in her hands. “You aren’t what’s wrong. I just picked the first thing that was bothering me and tried to destroy it. Don’t you want any kind of revenge for that?”
I smiled, a soft, sad smile. “It’s difficult to think of me as a real person because I’m a ghost. Most things don’t hurt me and you took me at my word that no harm was going to come to me. That fact may have been buried for a while, but you still would have known it. I don’t blame you for anything - your guilt is wasted. Sweetling, you must learn to trust in me.” That was true, and I was also going to have to put more effort into my future attempts to draw forth the source of her nightmares from her.
Jackie reached up, slipped her arms around me and pulled herself in close to me. We were quiet for a few moments, then she spoke again. “I still don’t quite understand why you’re helping me.”
I was quiet for a moment. I couldn’t answer that because I didn’t know myself. “I’m just a ghost that wants to help a friend?”
She gazed at me in soft wonder. “Creed.” Her eyes held mine for a moment, earnest and beseeching. Then she sighed and shook her head. “You’re still my friend after all I’ve done to you ...”
I laughed softly. “Don’t you forget it or it’s salty cups of coffee for you for the rest of your life.”
~~~
We spent my twenty four hours of existence as a mortal wisely. I took her swimming at dawn, she cursing soundly at me because of the temperature of the water. She pulled me down to the town for ice cream, and I wandered around wide eyed, almost unable to fathom the changes that time had brought to my home.
That afternoon found us lying back in the grass, enjoying the warm sunlight. I lay with my head cradled comfortably in my hands, while she used me as a living pillow. I felt her shift several times, then decided to call an end to the previously comfortable silence.
“Penny for your thoughts, Sweetling.” My eyes were closed, and I felt her weight leave me. I opened an eye to find her sorrowful green ones not more than three inches from my gaze.
“I don’t understand.”
I waited for a moment or so for more to come, but nothing did. “What don’t you understand?”
She coloured, and her words were so faint I had to strain to hear them. “The exorcism nearly worked on you. Why?”
I cocked my head so I could see her a little better. The sunlight shone through the trees through her hair, turning it into a brilliant corona. “I have no idea.”
She forced more words to come. “Where did you go?”
Clearly that was not what was bothering her, but it was somewhere for her to start. Quiet answers were what she needed to continue, not pleas for information. “I was sent back to my attic.”
“Why do you spend so much time in the attic?”
Ahh, now there was a question that took us out to dangerous waters. “It was the place I died.”
She blinked, frowning. Discomfort showed in her lines, but there was no anger yet. “What happened to you? How did you die?”
I sighed, guilt forcing my eyes closed. Again, the soft voice began to pull me back from the whirlpool. “Creed, look at me … please …”
I opened an eye and looked at her, carefully neutral. Her tone was dangerously close to the pleading of her nightmares. I did not want her to think that that tone needed to be used on me. I smiled gently. “Sweetling …” I thought for a moment or so how to phrase what I needed to say. “All you need to do is ask and I will answer. It’s all you’ve ever had to do. It’s just that the question you have asked me is a difficult one.” I reached out and stroked her face and although her jaw muscles tightened, at least she did not flinch. “To answer your question, I was hung.” I flushed, unwilling to tell her more than that. The catcalls and savage cries of abandon and joy were things that I did not care to remember, but would never leave me. “Please, ask me no more …”
“It’s enough.” A single tear came to her eye, and I wiped it away. “When Spiritchaser began to … when I saw you … I’m sorry … I shouldn’t have …”
Her distress tearing at me, I sat up and pulled her into my arms where she began to cry in earnest. “Shh, Jackie … I’m completely unharmed … perhaps a little tired but that’s all …”
She pulled back from me, eyes urging me to understand as she impatiently wiped the tears from her face. “I know you’re different, it’s in your eyes.”
At that moment, sensing her mistress’ distress, Helga came up beside us and nudged me. Moment broken, I turned to look at her, reaching out a hand to feel the silky hair of her head and back as I stroked her. She was a beautiful dog, and such a valiant companion for my poor, damaged mortal.
I heard a soft hitching of breath beside me, so I gently pulled Jackie back into my arms. “Perhaps it’s a passing physical resemblance, who can say?” I stroked her hair. “Shh … softly, Sweetling. I have told you this before and I will continue to tell you this until you can stand it no more – I have never hurt you and I will never hurt you.”
There was silence for a moment or so. “I know you haven’t. You’ve been a friend to me.” Her arms tightened around me. “It would be so lonely without you.”
For that there was no answer.
I do not know how long I held her until her tears gave out and peace returned to her.
Much later that evening, my mortal was exhausted, so I gently took her sleeping form up into her bed and lay down beside her, holding her close.
I would soon have to leave her. The one thing I did not tell her was that this day of mortality may have been quite a boon for me in some ways, but in others it was the worst of my curse. Close to midnight, I would have to endure reliving the hour of my death.
It would only be a matter of hours before I was a ghost again.
At least I had had the opportunity to try and repair some of the damage that had been done to our fragile relationship.
PART FIVE
I lay with Jackie, watching the grey light of dawn creep across the sky. For almost a week now her sleep had been untroubled by her nightmares, but she asked me to stay by her side during the midnight hours because it made her feel better.
As if I would have left her alone.
I could not help myself; I could no more leave her by herself than I could walk out the front door of my house.
Jackie was so unlike any mortal I had ever met aside from Matthew, and I wanted to relish every moment of time I had with her before fate robbed me of her fair presence.
I felt her stir in my arms, and I smiled gently.
“Good morning, Sweetling.” My teasing voice was for her ears alone.
“Creed.” She looked up at my solidifying form and shook her head. “I don’t think I’m ever going to get used to that.”
“Used to what?”
“Seeing you fade in and out of existence. Half the time I simply don’t remember you’re a ghost. You’re so real.”
I grinned. “Why thank you, Sweetling. Half the time I forget you’re a mortal haunting the dead.”
She slapped me, but I robbed my chest of its solidity so her blow impacted with the bed clothes. After she had seen me in my living form, I no longer shortened myself so we were roughly the same height. Now my feet dangled over the edge of the bed, and I wiggled my toes simply for something to do.
“Okay, I recognise the signs.” Jackie yawned. “We’ll get up now.”
I propped my head up on one hand and smirked.
She held up her finger, smiling archly. “Ah, ah, ah, I know what you’re going to say.”
I raised an eyebrow.
“Go on Captain Ectoplasm so I can get cleaned up.” She made shooing gestures.
Smirk firmly in place, I got to my feet, catching her next mumble I’m sure she didn’t want me to hear. “Thank God that the cold showers have stopped at least.”
I laughed. “You’re certain? And how do you know that I’m not going to grace you with my presence one of these days?”
Her answer was an exasperated pillow thrown through my fading body.
~~~
“Hmm, this is good.” She sipped appreciatively at the coffee I’d thoughtfully provided her with.
I looked up from the news section. I’d thought mortals were cruel to each other in my day, but it was nothing compared to the ugliness they tended to get up to in more modern times. “Thank you, Sweetling. I do try to please.”
She gave me a gentle smile. “And it works admirably.”
I grinned. “What do you have in store for today?”
“I’d planned on going out for a while into town.” Her eyes took on a slightly saddened demeanour and I knew it was because she would have liked for me to join her.
“Sorry, Sweetling, looks like I’ll be staying home today.” I grinned and took her hand. “Bring me back some tales of the place you live in.”
She smiled and nodded. “I’ll be back in a couple of hours.”
With that, Jackie stood and left me. Helga remained seated comfortably by my side, huffing. She finally settled herself down and began to snore her soft doggy snores again.
I was still fully engaged in reading the paper when we heard a car pull up to the front of the house. I was curious. It didn’t sound like Jackie, so I went to the front door and looked out the window.
A different car had indeed pulled up, and a brunette, my height, strict of feature and cold of eye pulled herself from behind the steering wheel. She stared at the front of the house intently.
I did not like her one bit.
I decided to sit and wait to see what happened. I knew I could stop her dead in her tracks if the thought of any mischief crossed her mind.
She looked all around, as though to make sure she was not observed, then quickly jogged up the steps to the front door. She tapped on the glass several times. I, of course, did not respond, but something about the woman infuriated Helga. The Doberman bounded up to the front door barking as though to warn off the hounds of hell.
Curious.
The brunette zeroed in on the sound and smirked. I took my place by Helga’s side, wondering what would happen next.
Before I was fully cognisant of what was going on, she had slipped off her shoe and broken one of the panes of glass, reaching through the shards to unlock the door.
Curiouser and curiouser.
The tension in me grew.
I did not step aside as the door opened through me, and the muscular woman smirked and zeroed in on the rapidly back pedalling dog. I made a move to shove Helga back beyond the woman’s reach, but it was far, far too late.
Alarmed, I watched as the brunette lunged at Helga, grabbed her by the collar and pulled her from the house. I recovered my scattered wits and made a move towards them but it was again not in time.
I swore under my breath. I could not help the hound now; she was outside. However, I could observe proceedings and ensure that Helga was not seriously hurt. I cursed myself for my arrogant stupidity that had encouraged my momentary lapse and allowed the woman to enter.
Helga yelped as she was tossed carelessly into the back of the car. The woman decisively opened her boot and began rifling through it.
Senses on full alert, I kept a close watch on them both. I extended an arm to try and open the door so Helga could escape, but again the woman caught me off guard as I fumbled awkwardly with the handle. She quickly reached into the back seat and grabbed the dog by the collar, tying her up with a length of rope.
I felt a savage sense of dismay. If the dog were tied to the back of the car, no one but the gods could take care of her.
To my fleeting relief the brunette contented herself with dragging the struggling Helga over to a tree, flung the end over a branch, and to my utmost horror and distress, pulled the rope so the dog was gradually hoisted off her feet. Choking and gurgling, the Doberman was hanging by her neck, struggling, as the woman tied off the end of the rope on a conveniently placed broken branch.
I stared, almost immobilised by the shocking cruelty of the act, while the life fled Helga’s twitching, swinging body.
My only task now was to keep Jackie’s and my friend alive, and I prepared myself for action.
The woman shook her head, smiled fondly as though reinforcing a lesson taught to a forgetful, naughty child, then climbed into her car and drove off.
I shut my eyes and extended my arm. I would have to use every inch of my concentration to keep the dog alive until Jackie got home to cut her down.
I grabbed the dog and lifted her a couple of inches so that the tension was gone from her neck. She lay limp in my grasp and I prayed for her survival. Although time had taught me how to move objects outside the house, I had not yet developed the ability to perform the intricate actions required to untie the knot, much to my considerable frustration.
Closing my eyes, I concentrated on conserving my energy, and keeping my canine friend reasonably comfortable until Jackie came home.
When she did, I was certain she would have a fit.
~~~
The scream that greeted me at Jackie’s arrival caused my concentration to waver for a mere second. It was enough for me to lose my grasp on the dog, and she slipped and began choking again. Cursing under my breath, I grabbed her again and lifted her several inches in the air.
“WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED, CREED?” Jackie’s horror was punctuated by heartbroken sobs.
“Helga’s alive! Cut her down! Cut her down for God’s sake! I can’t keep holding her up!” I closed my eyes again so I could muster the concentration required to keep the poor beast alive for another precious few minutes.
I could feel Helga being tugged in my grasp as Jackie frantically untied the end of the rope.
I opened an eye to see Jackie standing by helplessly as Helga floated in mid air, still held safe in my hands. Using every bit of my remaining strength, I brought Helga closer to me and into the house.
With relief I observed the rising and falling of the dog’s chest. I was so distracted by her blessed life that I almost didn’t notice Jackie’s fair presence by my side as I fell to my knees and bent over the dog.
Helplessly I shook my head. “She is bruised about the neck. You have to bring her to a vet, but I’d say off hand she’s going to be fine.”
Jackie nodded and scooped up the dog. Tears streaming down her face, she rushed out to the car and took off for the town as quickly as she dared.
I was exhausted. I had expended a lot of energy keeping the dog alive, and needed to recover. Whatever Jackie had to say to me – and I had absolutely no idea what that would be aside from it not being overly pleasant – would have to wait until tonight when she went to sleep.
I crawled back up into the attic, shedding my human form, floating, trying to recharge my batteries.
Looking back, it’s a terrible pity I was too tired to notice the car that returned to the house. If I had seen it, the razor faced brunette that was driving it would not have made it one step closer to the house and my Jackie.
~~~
“Creed?” I heard Jackie’s sweet, tired voice just after the front door opened and closed.
I smiled gently, but it faded as my shoulders slumped and I sighed. The show would have to begin now, or it would never be done.
“Who’s Creed?” The cold, impatient voice cut through any reply that I had planned to make. With a sinking feeling in my gut, I realised that the brunette must have come back and was planning on something excruciatingly nasty for my young, mortal friend.
I rushed down the stairs to the parlour, form gaining visibility with every step.
“I am here Jackie.” My calm words were for her alone, my cold gaze burning into the tall, thin brunette that had my mortal’s arm in a death grip. The woman did not miss Jackie’s fleeting relief, swiftly replaced by her look of stark terror.
“I said, ‘who’s Creed’?” The brunette’s words were punctuated by a vicious shake and Jackie hissed in pain. I frowned and felt the beginnings of a storm building deep inside of me.
I tried to reach out to pull Jackie from the woman’s grasp, but there was nothing left in me. This afternoon’s bout with Helga had robbed me of precious strength. I could do nothing but sit by helplessly and wait for the woman to release my mortal, as my temper shifted from its normally even keel.
“My ghost. Please don’t hurt her.” Jackie swallowed convulsively, tears treacherously springing to her eyes as she glanced at me in terror. Frustrated by my lack of strength I was forced to stand by as the drama began to unfold.
The brunette turned to glare at me, then grimaced in disgust. “Really? She looks pretty real to me.”
The fight was not gone from Jackie – my presence had given her strength, but that was rapidly being lost under the onslaught of the cold woman. “Okay, she’s real. Don’t hurt her. I promise I’ll come back and I won’t leave again.”
There was silence as the brunette gauged her quietly. “Oh no, Sweetie. You want to fuck her go right on ahead. When she’s sick of you you’ll come crawling back because you know no one will ever love you like I do.” She pulled Jackie in close so they were almost nose to nose. “Just remember when you do – you’re going to have to make it up to me.” She drew back a long fingered hand and slapped Jackie as hard as she could, so Jackie stumbled back and fell to her knees, livid imprint of a hand on her pale face.
I felt my control over my temper slipping from my grasp and I took a step towards my mortal. I swore to myself that whatever the cost, I would free Jackie from this vile creature. I would be a spectator no longer.
“Please don’t hurt me ... No … Amanda … Please …” Jackie’s voice was a squeak that faded into a low moan, picking up the tone that meant she was begging. Her eyes pleaded with me to leave before either one of us was seriously hurt.
My control vanished.
I absolutely loathed listening to a woman beg.
“I’m going to make you sorry you were born.” The brunette’s – Amanda’s - voice was shocked as she stared at Jackie through new eyes. It was the expression of one who had just heard defiant words spoken by an inanimate object. She reached down and pulled Jackie’s head back by her hair and punched her. Jackie collapsed back to the floor, sobbing, clutching her bruised face.
Temper beyond my command, I rose to my full height, eyes icy cold, as the temperature in the room began to drop.
Facing Amanda head on, I was unable to restrain my snarl of rage as I mustered every single scrap of energy I had left. “I’ll tell you once and once only - get your hands off her!” I quickly moved to Jackie’s side, and took her gently into my arms, rage losing some of its force in the face of her terror. She clutched me convulsively, relief at my continued presence robbing her of words.
“Leave, Jackie. She is my battle to fight.” My whisper tickled her ears as my lips brushed her forehead. I felt sickened by the rapid, shallow breathing of her panic, and anger began to take me over again, a conflagration that made me tremble.
It was true – I would fight with absolutely everything I had in me for Jackie. Her demons and mine would be vanquished, the hungry ghosts appeased.
“This is none of your fucking business you bitch!” Amanda’s voice was a snarl, her entire face contorted with rage as I turned to face her again.
My eyes flashed matching fury as I snuck another quick glance at the bruised and bleeding Jackie. My eyes bored into Amanda’s. “Jackie is my business. If you ever touch her like that again, I will make you sorry you were born.” Slowly I released Jackie, pulling her up with me so we were both standing. I kept contact with her, careful to keep between her and Amanda. I would protect her to the last atom in my supernatural body.
An eyebrow raised and the woman nodded in understanding. The hateful voice became sarcastic. “Okay, I get it. You fully deserve each other and I hope you both burn in hell.” She smirked.
With that she reached into her pocket and pulled out a lighter. Almost before I knew what was going on, she lit it and tossed it towards me.
It was only super fast reflexes and a solid shell of ectoplasm that stopped Jackie from being incinerated as the wood before us caught flame. The brunette did not even stop to survey her handiwork before she was running like hell from the rapidly spreading inferno.
Eyebrows somewhere in my hairline, I turned to Jackie who had fallen to her knees, coughing and choking in the thick smoke. My rage vanished to be replaced by sorrow and a sick, aching emptiness.
There was a solid wall of flame around us as I gently scooped her up from the smouldering floor into my arms. I had her covered with ectoplasm, and I knew that I would have to get her out of the house before her fate was sealed.
I also knew what it would cost me. I didn’t care.
Jackie was the only thing that mattered to me any more.
I cursed myself for my weakness and my inability to act and protect my beloved mortal.
Cradling Jackie’s semi conscious form in my arms, I smiled gently at her. “I know this will be good bye, Jackie. I did not harm Helga, it was your demon.
“The house is gone and it’s my fault. One day I hope you find it in your heart to come back and visit me.
“I am sorry for everything, Jackie. I understood all along that I reminded you of her, but did not realise how close the resemblance was. I had always hoped that you would one day think of me as different to her, but I see now why you couldn’t. If you can ever bear to think of this place again, please try to remember me fondly and know that once upon a time a reformed ghost loved you.”
That was true, I realised as I squared my shoulders and prepared to walk out the door with my friend. The unfamiliar emotion that had begun to tickle me of late was love. I could have hidden it from her forever, but what was the point now? Whatever may have been between us was now shattered by the one last barbaric act of a pig.
My beloved Jackie was lost to me now, but then my past ensured that she was never mine to begin with, and probably would never have been.
I was a ghost and loving and losing a mortal had once opened me to such pain that I was afraid to experience it again. Yet fate had now brought me right back to the open door of the abyss.
Having just stood on the outside and watched another’s cruelty, almost as bad as my own during my life, I now fully understood why I had been sentenced to roam the earth until time itself stopped for raping and murdering a young girl. Worse, I had just had the opportunity to rescue my beloved mortal from a similar hell I had once created for another, but I had missed it. Fate had shown me that I could never really change. Eternally cursed by my own character, I had not acted in time to save Jackie from her nightmare, and now I was in the unenviable situation of delivering her straight to the gates of hell outside with Amanda. Once there, we would both be ruined – I once again by the consequences of my actions, Jackie by her nightmare. The punishment for attempting to escape my prison, my dissolution, was fate’s final justice for my hateful living self and equally weak supernatural self.
Steeling myself, I took a step before the open door, feeling the mild wind begin to flutter about me.
A howling gale soon took me in its firm grips and I began to scream in agony as I felt myself being torn limb from limb. I was grimly determined and although my firm grip on my unconscious Jackie did not yet falter, I knew it would soon evaporate. Until then I would make sure that she was as far outside as possible, safe, until every atom in my body was destroyed.
My voice cracking from my screams, struggling mightily with the forces that tore me apart, I tripped down the stairs, landing on my knees, and continued to crawl with her to the edge of my universe.
I had never been one to give up, and my love for Jackie was her salvation and my strength. I was going to rebuke fate, and prove at least to myself that I was fully redeemed, and it was not ancient wickedness that had just stopped me from acting against Amanda. The doors to the prison that held Jackie in her past with a brute, that also held her to the long gone living me, would be torn from their hinges by the shade of the person that I should have been in life.
It was an ugly creature that stood before us and contemplated its handiwork. It smiled with satisfaction as I reached for it to remove it from my beloved Jackie’s path, but there was not enough of me left to do it – or so I thought.
Before my supernatural self was utterly ruined, I was aware of two things: first, a brunette body sailed over both Jackie and I to land screaming in the furnace that was once our home, and second Jackie whispered some soft, sweet words to me just before the cold blackness tore me away for the final time.
“Guilt wasted. Love you Creed …”
My pain reached supernova proportions and I knew no more as I was obliterated from existence.
PART SIX
“Uhhh.”
The low throbbing in my head was relentless. “Uhh.”
I was so weak and exhausted I could barely move. I opened an eye to see the blue of the sky high above me, and sighed weakly.
Nothing would ever bring Jackie and me together again.
Jackie.
The name brought back a piercing ache. I would never see her again. I knew I would have been a cold spot in the ruins of our house for decades until I’d recovered my energy enough to begin moving around.
She was gone. I still loved her.
She would have moved on, was most probably dead by now, and I was still left to wander the world until time itself came to an end.
Justice.
Jackie had finally been given her freedom, and I remained locked in my hell.
I knew Jackie had been fond of me, but after I had learnt of her nightmare, I realised that it would have been the same fondness that an insect has for its master, hoping that its regard and pleasing behaviour would mean continued existence for another precious day. I knew that I had to help her leave, help her escape from her past and start afresh with new people who truly deserved her fair presence, who were different to Amanda and my living self. I don’t really know what hurt more – knowing she was gone or knowing she had never loved me – could never love me – for the person I had become.
My love had always been the woman I had seen before me, in all her flawed glory. The feelings I had for her would not leave me and I strongly suspected they never would.
Whoever had once said that love conquers all had lied through their teeth.
I blew a sour breath of air from moribund lungs.
My grief at losing Jackie would haunt me for hundreds of years, and one day I might recover from it. In the meantime, my life would continue on, and as much as I wanted to, I could not deny it. I had to keep going. She would always shine bright in my heart and mind.
Noble sentiments, certainly, but completely useless to me in my present condition. I could not free myself from thoughts of my beloved mortal and the spirit of her gentle presence that surrounded me.
Muscles aching, I pushed myself to a seated position, looking all around listlessly.
I was in a field of green. I could feel the sun beating down on my unprotected skin, and I knew it was the anniversary of my death – so I had recovered enough to take human form. How often had this happened while I slumbered on, unaware? Had it happened at all? To all my questions, the universe gave its customary silence.
Sighing, memory of my last living day with Jackie laying heavily on my mind, I slowly walked from the ruins of what once had been our home, down to the place I had always taken solitude in – the sea.
I was without my customary vigour as I made my way down the rocks to the beach, trying to silence the ghosts of memory snapping fearfully at me. I could feel the tears tickling my cheeks, but they did not heal me, they made my pain worse.
I stared blindly out across the water, fully engaged with my sorrow, aching with loss. Green eyes searched for me, ensnared me. She had always been so sweet, and her loss was a gaping hole somewhere in the middle of me that I knew would never be filled, despite the knowledge that time would one day turn this entire sequence of events into dreamlike memory. Her nightmare had always been mine – but each of us stood on opposite sides of the coin.
I was unaware of the form that took itself slowly and painfully across the sand to my side, lowering itself to sit beside me.
“Creed?” The hesitant question caused my brow to contract. That voice was the one haunting me. No, it could not be – death had surely taken her from this world!
“Jackie.” I could not raise my voice to above a whisper, and I was sure that the wind stole the sound from me, whipping it across the ocean, as I turned to look at my companion fully.
Grief etched into my features, I saw the once young face seamed and old. The golden hair was now snow white, the green eyes that had once been so vibrant, watery with age. Wrinkled, arthritic hands reached for me, and I pulled her fragile body into my young arms.
“I waited for you so long Creed.” The soft voice, with every nuance of its aching pain, was punctuated by the tears raging against me, mingling with my own.
“I’ve only just scraped up the energy to come down here.” I sniffed and closed my eyes as our bodies melted together.
“I’ve been waiting for you for almost sixty years.” Her hands traced the outlines of my muscles, seemingly assuring themselves of my existence.
“You waited for me?” I couldn’t hide my amazement. Why on earth would she ever have waited for me?
“I waited for you. When you rescued me from Amanda and you vanished I thought I was going to die anyway … it was worse when time passed and you never appeared. I’ve always come here every year on the same day hoping you would somehow be around.” There were fresh tears in her eyes, that spilled over as the words continued. I brushed them away with gentle fingers. Had she really wasted her whole life on me?
“I never told you what would happen to me if I ever tried to leave the house. This time the result was a little more forceful than on the other occasions I tried it.” I smiled gently at her. “In truth, I had not expected to appear again. I thought I was finished. And yet, here I am. Again.” Despite the way I sounded, I was grateful – even if it was only to be for minutes, I at least had the chance to hold her in my arms again. I knew it was selfish, but I could not help myself.
She drew in hitching breath and nodded. “Here you are again.” There was a pause for a moment as she collected herself, and her next words were a whisper. “I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you.”
Why? I did not think she could ever bear to see me again.
“Oh Jackie.” I drew her close to me. I couldn’t say anything more, and my mouth opened and closed several times as I grieved for what I had tried and failed so miserably at. There was nothing I could say that would lessen the pain. “Have you had a good life?” I pulled back and cupped her face in gentle hands, trying to imprint it on my memory for the rest of time.
“I have.” She pulled back slightly, but still clutched my arms. “I thought that losing you was going to kill me, but eventually I found another person to love. She wasn’t you but she was still very sweet and finished what you started to do for me with Amanda.” She closed her eyes and opened them again, struggling, then reached out and took my hand. “She couldn’t help me with you. Nothing could.” She gently kissed my knuckles. “She died five years ago.” Her eyes misted with memory of the years she’d spent living with the memories of Amanda and me, while I had drifted in darkness. I felt a knife twist in my heart.
“It’s all right, Jackie. It’s clear to me she was a fitting companion for you. You are alone now?” I was glad she had found someone, but I sobbed on the inside, knowing that while I was floating unaware, I had inadvertently shared every moment of this precious mortal’s existence. She surely had deserved so much more than that.
“No, I still see my children on a regular basis, and Helga still keeps me company.” At those words, a hound just like the one I had known so long ago bounded up to us. I reached out to stroke her fondly, but the low growling and mistrust in her clear brown eyes reminded me forcibly that this was not the dog I had once played with.
I drew my gaze back to my mortal and pulled her in close to brush her old forehead with my lips. There was a dim spark of hope in my heart. I thought about what she’d just said, and it seemed to me that perhaps I was wrong, perhaps she did remember the ghost, but I wanted to hear it in her own sweet words.
“Jackie, I’m not Amanda. I never was.” If it was true that she had loved the ghost, then fate had indeed been doubly cruel to me, robbing us of the years we could have had together. That knowledge broke my heart a little more.
Unbidden, my memory provided me with scenes from the last day. There was no way it could have gone any other way – if Amanda had continued to live then Jackie would never ever have been free, and that was not what she deserved.
She looked at me sharply. “I know Creed. You were always so gentle with me, so sweet. After a while, I realised that the only similarity between you and Amanda was what you’d done before you died. You were never like her, and I finally began to realise you meant what you said to me and that you would not hurt me no matter what I did to you.” She shook her head, obviously remembering the exorcism. “It took me a while to sort through it all, and in the end I wanted to tell you everything, but it was too late – Amanda came back.” The tears came back and she gave a hitching intake of breath. “I’d only just learnt to trust you and I wanted you because you were you.” She sighed and hung her head, unable to meet my gaze. “I just had to know. I’m not your victim and I never was. Did you just save me because you thought I was her? Were you helping me just because I reminded you of her and you wanted forgiveness? Did you really mean it when you said you loved me? Did you really love me or was it all just the memory of her?”
I closed my eyes against the pain and the tears that her questions brought. “No, Jackie, I never confused the two of you. You and she were always separate people in my mind. I rescued you because I wanted you to be free. Love between two people is not as it was between Amanda and yourself. I never hurt you apart from playing tricks on you, but it wasn’t until I met your nightmare that I realised how bad it all was for you. You had confused Amanda and myself because my living self was so similar to her, and you did not believe my ghost could be any different. You could never see me for the person I had become. The only way I could show you – and myself - that I was truly not the same as before death was to free you. Did I love you? Did I love you for you? Yes, Jackie, I most certainly did.” My insides contracted, robbing me of breath and I could barely continue. “I still do – with all my heart.”
There was a pause and she forced me to look at her, her love for me shining bright in her old eyes, almost restoring her to the beautiful bloom of her youth. “Good.” The voice was so soft I struggled to hear it. “I’ve spent my whole life loving you.”
“That’s the way I’m going to spend mine.” The tears raged from me unchecked, flooding against her. Where once I would have comforted her, now she comforted me.
There was no more that we could say to one another. We had badly misjudged each other, and we had been torn apart before we could reveal what lay at our hearts. We were grieving for what we could have had together, but had lost.
Fate was a cruel thing indeed.
Her soft voice pulled me back to the present. “I don’t have a lot of life left to me, Creed. I’m dying.”
I sucked in miserable breath and stared at her sad face sharply, dismayed.
I felt her desperation as she held me. “I don’t know how I’m going to do it but somehow I’ll find a way to be by your side again, Creed, I promise.”
I nodded, unable to speak. Finally I drew in another hitching breath and tried again. “Don’t leave me yet, Sweetling. Stay with me.” So much wasted; so little time left to us.
She smiled, tears flowing down her face. “As if I would you silly old ghost. Even if I have only one day left, I want to spend it with you.”
Again I nodded, and lay back on the sand, drawing her down with me. She gently kissed my neck as I pulled her in close.
I know not how long we lay there, but I know it was one of the most desperate days of any of my lives. I ached with fresh grief knowing that we would not be together for much longer. I was also gladdened that she had learned to love me and that she had told me. The part that really saddened me was that she had exchanged one prison for another – she had loved someone who had been absent for almost all of her life. At least now fate had brought us together again, even if it was to be a short length of time.
When I wanted to climb to my feet to bring her to a memorable last day, to kiss her as I so longed to do, it was too late.
As she lay quietly in my arms, her delicate life had slipped away from us both.
~~~
The late hours of the evening found me lying in the grass, immobile. I waited for the hour of my death, welcoming it. I would never again fear it or fight it. My life may had been a complete disaster, but my afterlife had not been. I accepted my fate and now understood why I was here. I loved a beautiful woman and had earned her love in return. It would have to be enough.
After I was hanged, I would wake up and continue on. So much life left to me, that did not want to be lived by me.
Jackie was gone.
It had to happen someday, but I had planned on being around for every moment before the ‘someday’ arrived. The moments I did have with her as an equal were too short – though I was grateful for them, I had wanted more of them.
I suppose it was poetic justice. I had been despicable in life, and everything that had happened to me after death had merely seemed unpleasant, but that had changed with Jackie – my time with her had brought self enlightenment, and her loss had broken me. Fate had finally found some way to punish me completely for the error of my ways.
My beloved Jackie was lost to me forever.
Immersed in my pain, I sensed rather than saw a figure move up beside me to plop itself into the grass. There was silence for a time as I wished it would go away and leave me to my sorrow.
“You gonna talk to me you old ghost, or am I gonna have to tickle you into submission?”
I recognise that voice, was the sharp thought that stabbed through my grief. Not daring to open my eyes I turned my head to the sound.
“Jackie?”
There was no answer, just a pair of soft lips that gently pressed themselves against my own. There was a shifting of weight as a body lay itself on top of mine, and fingers tangled in my hair.
I opened an eye, taking in her youthful features, eyes shining bright with love as she forced me to look at her. I was unable to stop the tears. “Sweetling, what are you doing here?” Had she really come back to join me in my prison. What had come over her?
She did not answer because she was apparently intent on kissing me into submission.
The relief and love I felt for her was so great I could do nothing but close my eyes again and abandon myself to the sensation of her for as long as time kept up its slow march toward oblivion. Every curve, every muscle, every section of soft skin that my roaming hands touched, screamed to me that it was real, that my beloved mortal had come back to me.
Unfortunately, the sensation ceased far too soon for my liking. I opened my eyes and found myself gazing into playful green, shot through with threads of fond exasperation. The beautiful, young lips curved themselves into a smile.
“Creed, I did tell you that I would find a way to be with you again, and I meant it. Now you’re stuck with me for all eternity.”
I shook my head and groaned, dismayed. “Of all places for you to spend eternity, you chose to be trapped in my hell? I love you, Jackie, but have you taken leave of your senses?”
Jackie grinned, traced the outline of my cheekbone with her hungry hands, and kissed me soundly again, eyes darkened with passion. When she finally came up for air, both of us breathing heavily, she spoke again. “Who said you’re stuck here? Eternity’s asking you politely to leave with me.” At her words, I realised the weight had slowly left my body as I returned to my customary supernatural form.
There was a flare of hope in my heart and my eyes mirrored my amazement. “I’ve been forgiven? How - ?”
“Shhh.” A finger was at my lips and I nibbled it gently. “What you did for me was enough. You realised the error of your ways, and now you’re free to come with me to the hereafter.”
It was true – I had not experienced my death, I had gone straight to my ghostly form. I could not tear my eyes away from the woman who had been my salvation.
I laughed softly. “Then what are we waiting for?”
She smiled archly and kissed the end of my nose. “We’re waiting for you to get your sexy arse into gear and lead the bloody way.” Her hands roamed my body and I bit back a moan.
“Ahh, that’s my beloved mortal.” I stood and scooped her up into my arms before she could distract me completely, and stole another kiss as I carried her towards the moonlit ocean. The door to my prison had opened and I was free! Free to be with my beloved Jackie! “Have I told you that I love you?”
Her eyes widened with mock understanding. “Ah, knew I forgot something. Well, you’re gonna have to keep reminding me.”
Her laughter mingled with mine as we continued our exploration of each other.
From behind us, a howl of rage and denial that could only have come from one person, began softly at first, gaining in strength as Amanda materialised in the ruins I had so recently been confined to. Judging by the strength of the pleas coming from behind us, she heard the sentence fate had imposed on her, even if she did not yet fully understand it.
I saw the pain flitter in Jackie’s eyes and I kissed her gently. “Softly, Jackie. We are together now. She will not remain that way forever. She will learn.”
Jackie closed her eyes then opened them again, sadness shining bright. “I know.” The pain we had both felt during our separation at Amanda’s hands shone equally bright within me. I looked at Jackie cradled in my arms and knew I had earned my freedom so we could be together now. That knowledge brought with it a glimmer of forgiveness for the sad creature that took up my post on earth.
There was really nothing more either one of us could say, and although we would have to talk about it later, I could see in Jackie’s eyes the same thoughts were in her.
She reached up for another soft kiss as I took her down to the light on the beach, and the soft barking that joyfully greeted us beyond it.